A gentle faith

There will be wars, and rumors of wars, and indeed there are.I look to be saved from this, “stuff” surrounds us and we loose touch. Distraction, evil standing in the corner, is ever present.

 

I am touched by a gentle faith, I feel the soft breath on the nape of my neck, it’s voice says “calm, be calm, I am here”. The world is not so enormous any more. 

 

Justification is a horrible task master, can God be found where there is no rest? I don’t know the answer. Peace embraces me as I give it all up. I am my body, it is here that I dwell. I can only do, and indeed am required to do, only that which my body is capable. Simplify, be present, the spirit calls to me. What is right? There is no book, no list, to check off, be present is the only answer.

 

The wars of religion exhaust me, they keep us from doing the work of being the body of Christ, being Christ, being Jesus. 

 

“I am”. Nothing more, just “I am”. What I do is what I am. 

 

How to be kept from being swept up in the inferno that rages around us, is the battle. Be steady, be peace. Be.

 

In the smallness the greatness is found. Simple, gentle faith, calls to me, peace.

Fear in the dark

About every 10 minutes or so, the afterburners roar through the night. I have been listening to this horror since I became aware of the regularity of the nerve shattering roar, about 1:30 this morning. Every new “sortie” frays the nerves more causing the dark of night to grow more heavy, more chill.

I am shaking now, teeth chattering with every attempt to relax, there goes another one, death and power linked to forever change the ideals that form civilization. 

I tried to sleep, but every time my mind relaxes the dreams come, trying to interpret what the reason for the night roaring might be. More terror, will day light never come? Have we truly entered a season of darkness? I wake several times calling “Jerr” “Jerr” in the dream he moves down the escalator looking for me, he can’t hear my voice, he disappears in the crowd, I try to keep my eyes on him “Jerr!” “Jerr!” I awake feeling more alone, more engulfed by the darkness. Another goes into the dark, another roar pulling darkness across the earth.

The dream starts over, even when I am not asleep, my eyes are open and I see the sequence. We are in a church, Jerr and I, the priests have handed over the service to a psychologist guru type person to help the congregation “enrich” itself. It puzzles me that this is about self, feeling good, okay, about self, self. The persons in charge divide the congregation, into small groups to facilitate the “experience” of self. One priest tries to make sure Jerr and I are together, but we are separated in the shuffle of self experience. I don’t know where he has gone. The group begins, the leader directs the small groups to get in-touch with their inner male, using a derogatory term for male, but this is okay?! nobody questions.

I watch with horror as the first person throws themselves on the floor, making shooting sounds, mimicking the posture of a soldier with a machine gun, the congregation approves, my head is spinning. Another roar pulls more darkness across the sky. The sanctuary fills with the sounds of war, booms, shots, jets, no peace to be found. I can take no more, my soul is being ripped from my body, I get up and try to walk to the door, the way is blocked by another group playing war, I turn and another group blocks my way. I finally leap, running through the baptismal pool and out the door. It is finally light, but the sounds of war have penetrated out of the church, and the world is crazy, people are busy ignoring the impending terror that races through the sky. I try to catch my breath and regain my composure, what shall I do? The frenzy that is outside overtakes me, I need to get away, but I must wait for Jerr, I need to get Jerr! I decide to go splash my face in the restroom across the way. The crowds grow more dense and frenzied in their rush to ignore the build up to war. Then I hear the voice calling to me “Bruno, are you okay, where are you?” I try to run across the street to Jerr, but the crowds won’t have it, the cars and trucks block my way “Jerr!” “Jerr!” he doesn’t hear me, I watch him go down the escalator “Jerr” “Jerr!”

The night roar has been silent now for about an hour, light is beginning to encroach on the darkness. The world feels different this morning, heavier, colder. I can’t wait for my beloved to wake. 

Today I think silence is called for, acknowledge the fear the night has brought. I fear the world won’t let it be, a fog has crept in. I need to dig in the dirt, hear the birds, feel life in a normal mode, not a modern mode. Tears wait just below the surface, the terror of war lurks, fed by desire for more, for self. What have we become?

The world changed last night.

 

Missing the Mass

I used to be a liberal, now I am just a sinner.

I used to be a Catholic (Roman), Then a Christian, Then an Episcopalian (thus the Roman), now…

Believe what you will, act as you will, but…

There will be no food!

How I miss the Mass, not the whole shebang of liturgy, thats nice, but what was once considered to be the most important part of christian worship “the Mass”. So important that the whole service has taken the name for Roman Catholics, and many Anglo Catholics, and still by some Episcopalians, The sending out, the mass.

From APLM

It has been said that the most sacred moment in the Liturgy comes when the Body of Christ, having been fed by the Body of Christ, goes forth to be the Body of Christ in the world. We have been nourished by the Lord’s Body and Blood, and now it is time to take up the Lord’s life and work. We pause briefly to give thanks for the loving act of feeding us and to ask for guidance as we set out in mission….

 

The Liturgy is over, but the Eucharist is not. … we observed that Eucharist is what the parish does. It is that…and more. It is the way the parish lives: thankfully, joyfully, as a participant in the resurrected life of Christ and servant to the world. That which we have just symboled in the Liturgy gets worked out in the day-to-day life of the parish and its members. That daily life, in turn, becomes the offering of our next liturgical celebration. Eucharist is a way and a style of life.

A joyful thanksgiving as a way of life, as the body of Christ, a servant to the world. How we live the other 167 hours a week is the offering to God, not the tithe, not the gift to “the church” in money or goods. Not the gift to “the church” at all really, rather how we relate to the world we encounter, moment to moment, situation to situation. We can try to make it all as abstract as we wish, with high priests, bishops, popes, councils, meetings, synods and conventions. We can try to define it with canons, laws, edicts, letters, but these all fade away in the face of what we encounter, day to day in those other 167 hours. 

The danger we face is distraction, evil indeed, do we have time for…

• the checker at the store?
• the nurse?
• the teacher?
• the garbage collector?
• the salesperson?
• the librarian?
• the barber, beautician?
• our neighbor?
• the stranger at the next table?
• the janitor?
• the hotel maid?
• the busboy?
• the policeman, fireman?

or are we distracted, so distracted that we don’t have TIME to smile, say thank you, greet with joy that God’s creation is before us? Do terrible situations across the globe preclude us from feeding the hungry in our midst? Why is this? Why can we care so deeply for those we do not see, and be so put off by those we do see? Have we become so abstracted that the person sitting across from us is less important than the person on our cell phone?

The Liturgy is over, but the Eucharist is not. …  It is the way the parish lives: thankfully, joyfully, as a participant in the resurrected life of Christ and servant to the world.

The Eucharist, joyful thanksgiving is not over, we are to live as PARTICIPANT servants to the world.

That which we have just symboled in the Liturgy gets worked out in the day-to-day life of the parish and its members.

We work this out, in the day to day, not the extraordinary, life we live as individuals and community.

That daily life, in turn, becomes the offering of our next liturgical celebration. Eucharist is a way and a style of life.

The daily life is our offering, what is desired by God, what is pleasing, what prepares us, how we demonstrate our servanthood.

…the most sacred moment in the Liturgy comes when the Body of Christ,

having been fed by the Body of Christ,

goes forth to be the Body of Christ in the world.

…it is time to take up the Lord’s life and work.

We pause briefly to give thanks for the loving act of feeding us

and to ask for guidance as we set out in mission….

The Mass

Moving on

 The time has come, and is coming to move on. 

The old posts are dead, there is new life to be born.

I want to thank my beloved for forcing me, lovingly, to be born again, not in the way that born again is trivialized by those who wear the title of christian in neon halos for all to see. 

He has used his soul to hack away at the road blocks, and his love to unlock the prison doors, he leads me to the light and air that breathes new life. He challenges me to venture forth, claiming my existence, the freedom that was mine from creation.

The work continues, the journey ends, when and where I do not know. I have my beloved by my side. 

Peace to you all

Peace